“We gotta keep ourselves in check,” my husband warned me, as we made our way to a family member’s home who has different political views than us. Most of the people at this gathering did.
“Why do we always have to monitor ourselves when others don’t seem to mind one bit if they offend us?” I shot back knowing full well I would indeed keep myself “in check.”
Sure enough as the evening went on, someone at the party made a comment about how people working at minimum wage jobs should’ve done more to gain some skills. I bit my tongue and found an escape from the conversation to keep the peace, but I was seething inside. It was a very dismissive take that ignored the realities of the system we live in, as well as one that failed to see the humanity in someone different.
That was years ago. After last week’s election results, I’ve come to realize that our insistence on keeping quiet for others’ comfort isn’t such a smart tactic. It’s actually a stance that we’ve only been able to take because we have so many privileges.
No more. I will not stay quiet.
6 responses to “Staying quiet”
-
I appreciate this decision, this change in attitude you describe. We all have experience with those gatherings. Yet, I think there is a real art to how to speak up. It is so difficult to find the right words in the moment. What do you wish you had responded? I often play conversations over in my mind, sometimes years later, to practice what I might have said. Words to further curiosity and empathy, words that wont shut down the conversation. I know I’m not good at it. I guess I need more practice!
LikeLike
-
“keeping quiet for others’ comfort isn’t such a smart tactic”
I’m reminded of the quote that evil triumphs because good people did nothing. That includes saying nothing.
Is it really keeping the peace when you are the one walking away seething? Nothing good is achieved in that kind of silence. It does not bring you comfort, and it certainly gives consent to continue.
Hear! Hear! On not staying quiet.
LikeLike
-
Staying quiet to keep the peace is something we all have done. But a point is reached when keeping quiet no longer works and you need to speak out. If someone doesn’t worry about offending me, why should I worry about offending them?
LikeLike
-
This is giving me pangs, Thanksgiving-gathering pangs… Thanks for your honesty here, Vivian.
LikeLike
-
Vivian,
Come sit by me! I’m so w/ you. There’s an article in the Salt Lake Tribune today about mormons being accommodationists i. the 2930s and once again finding g themselves on the wrong side of privilege. Our silence is tacit consent. We can and must call out those who choose hate. I just need to learn to do it w/ kindness, something I struggle with right now.
LikeLike
-
Vivian, thank you for speaking up here and in situations you will find yourself in. I will be spending time with some relatives this week. I am not looking forward to it, but I want to take your resolve with me…”No more. I will not stay quiet.”
LikeLike
Learn With Vivian 
Leave a reply to Fran McCrackin Cancel reply