Don’t ask me that!

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Did you know WordPress gives you a daily writing prompt? This was the one posted yesterday, March 6.

What is one question you hate to be asked? Explain.

I guess the answer to that depends on the situation and the asker.

As a Chinese-American, born and raised in Southern California, two related questions I really hate to be asked:

1. What are you?
2. Where are you from? Or even better, where are you really from?


The first one is just plain dehumanizing. What does that even mean? The second one is very othering. When people ask that question of my white husband, they expect a town or region in America. When I get asked I get an annoyed look when I answer, Pasadena (home of the Rose Parade). One time when I was in Paris (ooh la la!) I was asked if I was chinoise. I said, “Je suis Americaine.” The Frenchman scoffed and said, “Oh you’re so proud to be American!” I mean, sometimes, I am.

Some questions that might be better…

What culture or ethnicity do you identify with?
Where did you grow up?


As a hypocritical, part-time vegetarian, I hate to be asked, “Can you eat that?”
Yeah, I can. Because as vegan influencer, Tabitha Brown says, “I can if I want to because that’s my business.” (Read that in a sweet voice, not a sassy one!)


When I was younger and still of child-bearing age, I hated to be asked, “Why don’t you want to have children?” I don’t know. I guess because I value peace, quiet, money in the bank? But seriously, it always upset me that I was looked at like I was flawed because my baby clock just didn’t tick. When I hit age 30, my mom realized I was serious about not having kids. “You’re so selfish!” she accused. Maybe. Maybe I’m unselfish because I don’t want to bring kids into the world without really wanting them? (Also more power to all you parents out there! It’s not for the weak.)

As a writer, I hate to be asked, “How are you going to end this piece?”


8 responses to “Don’t ask me that!”

  1. Life By Wyetha Avatar

    I love this and oh man…there are so many questions I don’t like being asked, but I never thought to sit down and list them. However that’s an excellent journal exercise.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Joanne Toft Avatar

    Perfect! Well, said. I hate being asked the questions what questions do you hate to be ask. So you got farther with this than I would. 

    Liked by 1 person

  3. arjeha Avatar

    So many people don’t think about the questions they ask. Are they really curious? Are they showing (in their mind) an air of superiority? Are they just not thinking? Being from the coal region of PA, if I am out of area I am sometimes asked where I’m from. Sometimes, after my answer, there is a disdainful look that is not always well hidden.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. beckymusician Avatar

    I think at this point in our culture it gets really complicated to answer those questions, which people shouldn’t be asking anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Fran McCrackin Avatar

    Great piece, and educational for some, because I am sure many still don’t realize how offensive those first questions feel. And I love the meme and the ending!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. cmhutter Avatar

    The question I hate most “Why are you so tall?” or “How tall are you anyway?”. I am not that tall- 6 feet. These questions always make me self-conscious and awkward. I wish people would think before asking a question- “How will this make the other person feel”.

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  7. Melanie White Avatar

    Those questions about your origins are so incredibly offensive, and I appreciated how you wrote this piece from a place of frustration to include humour and imagined retorts. The dialogue brought me into the scenes and the “hypocritical part-time vegetarian” in Southern California is the chef’s kiss!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Alice Avatar

    I always enjoy reading your posts, Vivian. I saw this question as well, but I didn’t want to do the work to think about it. I’m glad you did though. I appreciate your honesty (and sweetness, not sassiness) in all of your answers.

    Liked by 1 person

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